i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do vagina's smell?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
