just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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