There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pants are for mortals
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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