so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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