Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
