apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
