If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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