What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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