Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
honey bunches of taint.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
