I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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