he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
