How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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