things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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