Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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