she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
