ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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