the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
