so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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