i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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