So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
