She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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