Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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