We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
