did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
