he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
