I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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