I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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