I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
