i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
