dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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