im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
