just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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