ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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