i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your cock deserves a montage
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
