I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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