TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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