I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
