But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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