So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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