I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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