im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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