I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
