She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well you can't waste a boner
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
