He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
