overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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