Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Text me some of your sweat
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