In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
