Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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