My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
