$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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