Need sex. Gaining weight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
