dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
