she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
