pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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