Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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