i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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