she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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