i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
