Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
