i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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