There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
