stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
