Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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