his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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