New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
