Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
