i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
