Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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