Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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