PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You pole danced in your parka.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
