I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
