Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
