People with herpes should wear stickers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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