Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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