So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
