oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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