i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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