so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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