Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
