you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
