I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Welp...herpes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
